we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
