how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
