did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
