Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize