I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
