dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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