she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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