This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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