Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Randomize
