i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
