i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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