when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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