So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize