So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
