We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
