I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize