drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
