On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
