i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
