he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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