Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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