He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize