I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
