No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
