Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
