What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
