Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
