You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
