we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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