ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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