Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
