i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
