My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
