please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
