i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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