I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
