is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
