So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
