I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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