if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
