12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
