how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
