Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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