yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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