im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sext me about skeletons
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
