I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
