..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
