just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
