You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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