I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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