SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
