Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
