Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
