is your mom at the bar?
too bad you live with your parents still
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
