Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
