drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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