WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
