Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
