I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize