i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
