Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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