I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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