Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she told me i tasted like america
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
