We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Im just a social blackout drinker.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
