i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
