mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
